It was in reading Steven Carter and Julia Sokol's books that I came to recognise that fantasy played a huge part in life. They talk about how fantasising about idealised partners and relationships is a reversion point for commitmentphobes that maintains their unrealistic expectations of real life relating. This is so true. There are a multitude of people out there convinced that the only reason they haven't yet experienced a deep, loving, long-term partnership is because Ms or Mr Right is yet to enter their orbit. When you arrive at the realisation that there is no such person, you're on the way.
Now, undertaking this therapy, I am looking at my patterns more intently I am somewhat surprised at the amount time I spend in fantasy about desired (and often idealised) outcomes. Obviously a lot of these have been around relationships but (and this is what has surprised me most) many are about work and other life domains.
I suspect fantasy was an early emerging coping mechanism for me. When you can't get your needs met in real life, you can make yourself feel good by living out your hoped for ideal future in your mind. It really is the ultimate avoidance, you get to escape your reality and get an emotional dose of fulfilled desire.
Obviously fantasy, in the mode of visualisation can be useful - because it's being used to create the motivation to pursue adaptive life goals. But that's different to what I'm talking about which is akin to a mental masturbation, which leaves you feeling temporarily satiated but doesn't serve to get you any closer to realising your desired life outcomes. In fact, it does the opposite.
I am now being more aware of lapsing into fantasy and stopping it. I hope it will help with my procrastination and help me do, rather than just thinking about doing, a bit more.
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