just like that

A week ago I posted something I'd written a couple of weeks ago about the yearning I felt for the last person I had an intimate relationship with, and this is what I said:

"I have urges to contact him, just to talk of course, to find out his take on the latest political goings-on or suchlike. I don't. Now. I did for a few weeks after it all went pear shaped, but after the last passive-aggressive response I stopped for good. I still get the urge to though."

Well... a few days ago the strangest thing happened.  I contacted him.  Just like that.  Without even thinking about it, I sent him a one liner email asking what he thought about the election results. 

Then yesterday I re-read the post from last week and the two tonne penny dropped.  WTF?  How easy it is for these maladaptive urges to drive my self-defeating behaviour, bypassing my better judgement and picking up a feebleminded rationalisation on way. 

How does this happen when only days earlier I was patting myself on the back for not acting on these exact urges.  Am I asleep at the wheel?  Is someone else driving?  I am gobsmacked at the sheer unconsciousness of it all and wonder what I means for me in working to get rid of my schema perpetuating behaviours. 

Tips anyone?